Mace warrior
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Re: Mace warrior
Didn't realize you had done the correction so my bad (Nor was there any kind of notification that a correction had been done). Can you please edit the history so its not a run on sentence and everything that is supposed to be a thought is separate and complete? Just makes it easier to understand.
Last edited by zerowing21 on Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
which partzerowing21 wrote:Didn't realize you had done the correction so my bad. Can you please edit the history so its not a run on sentence and everything is a complete thought? Just makes it easier to understand.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
The entire history. Like each thought is a sentence. Even thought the thing with the KND and the Operation C.A.K.E and what not, those would be several sentences. It just helps with over all structure.
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
you mean start from sratchzerowing21 wrote:The entire history. Like each thought is a sentence. Even thought the thing with the KND and the Operation C.A.K.E and what not, those would be several sentences. It just helps with over all structure.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
No, not at all. It's easy to edit to make everything complete sentences. I'll give you a minor example
His childhood was good and he actually he had a good relationship with his family. His actually kept good grades, He joined the knd when he was spying on them. During his recruitment, they noted his sword skills and how good with a blaster he was.
See? Simple edits and changes, but nothing changed. It helps complete thoughts and not make it one giant sentence.
His childhood was good and he actually he had a good relationship with his family. His actually kept good grades, He joined the knd when he was spying on them. During his recruitment, they noted his sword skills and how good with a blaster he was.
See? Simple edits and changes, but nothing changed. It helps complete thoughts and not make it one giant sentence.
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
okzerowing21 wrote:No, not at all. It's easy to edit to make everything complete sentences. I'll give you a minor example
His childhood was good and he actually he had a good relationship with his family. His actually kept good grades, He joined the knd when he was spying on them. During his recruitment, they noted his sword skills and how good with a blaster he was.
See? Simple edits and changes, but nothing changed. It helps complete thoughts and not make it one giant sentence.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
While I showed you how exactly not to do run ones it as an example, please continue the process. You still have a bit of work to go on it.
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
okzerowing21 wrote:While I showed you how exactly not to do run ones it as an example, please continue the process. You still have a bit of work to go on it.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
I still see you haven't fixed the run on sentences in the history, can you please get to this.
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
fine , point the problems and ill see what I can dozerowing21 wrote:I still see you haven't fixed the run on sentences in the history, can you please get to this.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
Ty and its pretty much everything that's a run on from when I stopped the example.
zerowing21- Posts : 7717
Join date : 2013-06-15
Re: Mace warrior
like given space, periods and that's itzerowing21 wrote:Ty and its pretty much everything that's a run on from when I stopped the example.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
fair enoughzerowing21 wrote:Yes please.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
Can you elaborate on why his strengths are strengths, and also why his weaknesses are weaknesses?
Can you also explain how Mace ends up accidentally spying on the KND? What puts him in this situation, and how does he feel about it?
Can you also explain how Mace ends up accidentally spying on the KND? What puts him in this situation, and how does he feel about it?
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Re: Mace warrior
okProfessor Utonium wrote:Can you elaborate on why his strengths are strengths, and also why his weaknesses are weaknesses?
Can you also explain how Mace ends up accidentally spying on the KND? What puts him in this situation, and how does he feel about it?
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
By "bumps into things" I assume you mean he's clumsy. If so, why does that not effect him in battle?
Mr.Didathing- Posts : 1607
Join date : 2013-09-08
Re: Mace warrior
only when not in combatMr.Didathing wrote:By "bumps into things" I assume you mean he's clumsy. If so, why does that not effect him in battle?
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
Wouldn't that be something that pops up in combat though? Why in some situations and not others? Apologies for the late response.
Mr.Didathing- Posts : 1607
Join date : 2013-09-08
Re: Mace warrior
its ok, well i think it would make sense in some waysMr.Didathing wrote:Wouldn't that be something that pops up in combat though? Why in some situations and not others? Apologies for the late response.
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
Join date : 2017-08-09
Re: Mace warrior
You're gonna have to expand on what that means. Is it a matter of focus for him?
Mr.Didathing- Posts : 1607
Join date : 2013-09-08
Re: Mace warrior
Could you flesh out his personality a tad more? Why does he have these traits, and how do they help him in life?
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Re: Mace warrior
OK, what do you have a idea, I want to learn from the bestProfessor Utonium wrote:Could you flesh out his personality a tad more? Why does he have these traits, and how do they help him in life?
fusionfallfan1995- Posts : 51
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